When it comes to recognising Love with a capital L, true happiness, there is no mistaking a few key signs! Here are 5 that should confirm that you have indeed met a rare gem, the one who fully completes you. We hope that it’s reciprocated!
1) You love each other for who you are
After 15 or 30 years of marriage, people who are truly in love still love each other, and they show it, in their own personal ways. It’s not necessarily physical beauty, material comfort or social or professional status that brings them together, because love is often a mystery: we can’t always understand why we love this person, but we know we love them all the same.
Regardless of their faults, imperfections and scars, we love our partner for who they are, without wanting them to change. According to psychoanalyst Patrick Lambouley, interviewed by Psychologies magazine “love is an unknown for us”.
To truly love someone is to be interested in them, to support them in spite of difficulties, to look after one another and to be happy to do so.
2) You are afraid to lose them
Loving someone involves its fair share of fears and anxieties. According to Freud, “we become dependent because we always need the other person to support us” (Civilization and its Discontents).
Love involves taking a risk: the risk of losing your partner. Some people accept this risk because they can’t ignore their feelings, they can’t ignore true love, and all that comes with it. Other people take fright, they panic at the idea of loving someone so much, and they refuse to accept feeling vulnerable from time to time. But at some point or other, we all end up giving in to the power of love, no?
According to Freud, love draws us out of ourselves by loving someone other than ourselves, but the ego (the self) fights for recognition, which is why we can sometimes break up suddenly and unexpectedly, seemingly on a whim.
When a loving relationship between two people has survived breakups, fights and conflicts, it reaches a stage where the feeling of real love rises to the surface, which is capable of weathering any storm.
3) You are prepared to follow each other into the unknown
To make the passion and romance last in a relationship, we need to accept that we are not always in charge of our emotions. We can’t control love that we give or receive, which is why we often speak of “meeting destiny” or of meeting “the one”. We can experience moments of intense happiness interspersed with more chaotic feelings and situations. The strength of a couple who really love each other is in its ability to overcome such obstacles, even if it takes time -sometimes a lot of time! -for each person to think things through…..
Optimistic, perseverent, courageous, patient… These are some of the many qualities necessary in order to accept unconditional love, up to the point of being able to follow the other person where they want to bring you, even if the destination or the project will radically change your life!
4) You still desire one another
Whether you have been together for 3, 10 or 40 years, you still turn each other on, even if there are dry periods or times when you have less sex.
As long as it is true love, we desire the other person -we want to give them pleasure and vice versa.
Outside of a loving relationship, sex is a way of releasing tension, anxiety and of experiencing pleasure. When it’s true love, sex is intense, leading to strong and more spiritual experiences.
5) Being together makes you feel fulfilled
You both have the feeling that your partner is unique, and that they are the perfect one for you. True love generally accesses the child-like aspect that is always within us. The playful part of us that has fun, that laughs, that loves, and that has found an ideal playing partner.
The other person completes you, opens you up to the world and to emotions with a strong intensity, and the feeling is mutual, You feel that you are truly living with your soul mate, but this doesn’t cut you off from the world -you like to share the love around because you have so much love to spare!