Moving in together is an important step in any relationship. Before jumping in with two feet into this new adventure, make sure to ask yourself the right questions. If you’re about to take on a lease and set up several year long contracts to pay the bills, you need to be sure that you’re not going to want to make a run for it at the end of the first month! So here are a few questions to ask yourself.
1) Are you trying to save your relationship?
If you tend to argue regularly and if you want to try living together in order to save the relationship, you are taking a big risk, which is best avoided.
Even for very solid couples, living together is a real challenge, so for those who are already going through a difficult time, it could be the beginning of the end….
2) Are you sure you want to see each other every day?
If you are considering moving in together for the first time, your relationship up to now has probably been in the early stages of passion.
But when this passion starts to fade, it can be difficult to share your living space with someone, and to get into a routine while trying to find an equal balance in terms of cooking, cleaning, doing the dishes, washing clothes, hanging them out, doing the ironing, doing the shopping, paying the bills, etc.
You need to be really in love in order to be ready to restart this routine every day without complaining (if the tasks are equally shared of course, otherwise you have every right to sound off!)
If you are in any doubt, if you are happy in your own home and with your independence, and if you regularly need time alone, think hard before taking the leap, as it may simply be too soon.
3) Are there still taboos between you?
If there are certain things that are difficult to do with your partner nearby, such as going to the toilet, or vomiting if you are sick, you are going to have to accept the less glamorous sides of both yourself and your partner when you live together.
From morning until night, you need to feel natural and at ease with the other person, and you need to be sure that you have already seen each other as you are, without the frills. Hair undone, tired eyes, dodgy morning breath, spots – you will be privy to all of these little details that have been carefully hidden up until now!
4) Are you ready to make an effort?
The rose tinted time at the start of the relationship – the long kisses, the romantic walks and passionate dates – will soon be replaced with a more banal type of lifestyle. Among daily chores, work, and/or study, you need to find the time, the patience and the desire to look after the other person and the relationship, and to keep the spark alive between you.
Like billions of couples before you, you will have to make an effort and a few concessions on either side in order to ensure your sex life stays alive and fulfilling.
5) Why do you want to move in together?
If your goal is to no longer have to be accountable to your parents, ensure that the partner you have chosen to move in with will be more understanding, because it is generally that person who takes up the baton, with question such as “what time will you be home?”, “what do you want to eat?”, “did you find a job?”, or “where were you?”….
If the reason is anything other than wanting to spend more time with your partner and sharing your life with them, such as getting a bigger apartment for less rent, having someone to share the cooking with, not having to sleep alone, etc., you may want to rethink things….
6) Are your personalities compatible?
If you both like going out or having guests, you should manage to get along well with one another, especially if you each learn to go on nights out independently.
But if one of you is more sociable or more introverted than the other, if your daily routines are too different (in terms of outings, work, times for getting up and going to sleep, etc.), this could have a negative impact on the other person’s mood.
Without being obligated to do everything together or at the same times, if your tastes are too different, each person will need to make concessions and accept the other person’s needs.
7) Are you planning to stay financially independent?
This may seem like a small detail, but discussions about money or money problems can cause serious fights in a relationship.
Before agreeing to share your rent, ensure that each person can pay their part every month, with a stable job or a guarantor.
If each person stays financially independent and isn’t depending on the other person, the relationship will be more balanced and have a better chance of surviving in the long term.