Long term couple boredom: what is it hiding?

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Long term couple boredom: what is it hiding?
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Boredom is a word that can have several meanings and in psychology many people also debate the definition of this emotional state.  Nevertheless it is generally agreed that boredom is a mental state that people find unpleasant where their lack of stimulation leaves them craving a form of relief, which can result is many behavioural, medical and social consequences.  When you become bored as a couple your relationship can fall into a comatose and become destructive. So what is hidden behind long-term couple boredom?  

1) Fear

It sometimes happens that a couple stays together even though they no longer share many things together, whether it is on a physical or spiritual context.  Intimate relations, dinner dates, planning a future and weekend get-aways can become very rare for couple like this.  Instead they stay together but they don’t break up as they are scared of what others might think of them.  What is more they are afraid of the thought of separating and a new solo life and all that entails.

2) Conformism

Conformism is a significant and negative influence on our decision making.  It encourages us to make choices which suit others (whether it is your partner, family, children or financial situation) and fit society norms (like your social class, job, marriage and child) while forgetting about your own choices that are guided by your own desires.

However for you to be happy you can and often need to go through a break up and a period of being single so that you are able to meet a person who is really compatible with you.

3) Affection dependency

Affection dependency affects lots of people who are in a couple and can develop in many different ways:

  • fear of being single, of a period with out a romantic relationship, or loneliness
  • a tendency to always look for advice from others
  • separation difficulties
  • looking for affection
  • difficulties is making your own decisions
  • permanently seeking self approval 
  • always looking for reassurance of your feelings from others
  • acceptance of behaviour that is sometimes disrespectful from the person that you are dependent on (remarks, embarrassment etc..)

This situation has a tendency to plunge the person and those they are dependent on into a state where life freezes, like a section of music that repeats itself constantly.  Daily life is a routine that doesn’t contain many surprises from other person like you are waiting for something that will never happen.

How can you be happy?

Spiritual and meditative therapy could help give you more self confidence in getting over the fear of leaving your partner, for whatever reason it is.

For the majority of couples, the fear of letting go is common.  The fear of leaving your partner or allowing yourself to continue without them keeps us in a relationship that no longer makes us happy.  This can be difficult as there is often one out of the two who is more attached than the other and who refuses to break up.

Learn to let go by taking up a sport or another activity like singing, music, art or meditation… This can help you to find courage to break off a relationship that has become negative.  Then you will be available to meet someone who will really make you happy! 

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