All us lug around emotional scars that we have carried with us since childhood. The pain can be felt when situations that affected us as a child are brought to the surface or can be connected to a particular event with one of our parents. Some of these painful memories can shape our personality and our behaviour in adulthood.
So that you can avoid these emotional scars developing in childhood it is really important to help our children to manage their emotions and overcome their fears.
What types of emotional scars can we experienced as children?
The majority of fears that we experience in adulthood are connected to an emotional trauma that we have experienced as a child. Here are five types of emotional pain that can be experienced as a child:
- Humiliation ;
All of us live with these emotional scars. However some are more intense than others according to the real-life situation we are confronted with.
An adult suffering from rejection imagines their own ideal world. They feel constantly inferior to others and deem themselves to be useless. They think people listen to them out of politeness but are in fact not very interested. Sufferers constantly devalue themselves and do not understand that people love them. When someone is interested in them, they will make every effort to “sabotage” the relationship. They will prefer to flee and hide rather than confronting reality.
Children who have grown up feeling abandoned are always looking for support. This is what makes them constantly rely on others. This emotional scar is often related to the parent of the opposite sex to the child.
An adult suffering from abandonment issues may seem lazy as they need others to do things for them. They often create problems just so that attention is drawn to them. They quickly attach to people and places. They will also have difficulty leaving a group of friends for example.
Their greatest fear is loneliness, so they are willing to make many sacrifices to avoid feeling lonely. In a couple, an adult suffering from abandonment issues will find it difficult breaking up for the fear of being alone.
A child, who suffers pain by humiliation, feels a great lack of freedom. During their early years, it is as it their life was controlled by their parents: what clothes and opinions they should have. An adult sufferer will try and punish themselves for this, trying to hurt themselves and make themselves feel ashamed before someone else does.They unconsciously and paradoxically create barriers so that they can’t make choices freely.
An adult suffering from the pain of humiliation cares more about others than themselves, sometimes even putting themselves into delicate situations. They have trouble enjoying things fully and can feel guilty when they are happy.
A person suffering from the pain of injustice don’t feel justly appreciated and don’t feel respected. This emotional scar is often linked with a parent of the same sex as the sufferer. The parent could be cold, intolerant and strict. An adult suffering from the pain of injustice often becomes cold and strict themselves although they describe themselves as friendly and warm.
They often are scared of making a mistake and like everything orderly and often forget to give the people they love affection.
People suffering from the pain of betrayal often experience the Oedipus complex as a child. The child that used to believe that their parent was theirs exclusively suddenly realises they are not. Suffers of betrayal issues always want to be in control for fear that someone else will betray them in turn. They are known for having decided opinions which they often try to impose onto those around them. Impatient and intolerant, these adults never live in the present moment and are always thinking about planning their future so that nothing escapes them.
The biggest fear of people suffering from betrayal lies in failure. They are very invested in work but they only get involved if they know that they can do the job perfectly. If they know they can’t, they prefer to refuse rather than betray themselves.
Talking with children
As a parent, it is important to remind your children that they are unique and encourage them to develop at their own rhythm. You should avoid trying to make comparisons with their siblings, friends and classmates.
If their behaviour is inappropriate, try and get them to think about their actions without punishing them unjustly. Talk to them about their fears or worries and any other questions that they are unsure about. With constructive discussion, they will search for solutions to their problems from a young age.